No heartbeat.

On Labor Day, I took my parents to the airport and surprised them with the exciting news that I was 9 weeks pregnant. I had yet to go to my first doctor's appointment (scheduled for the next day) but I wanted to tell them before they headed off for a 3-week trip to the UK. We were waiting for our first ultrasound before we told the children. My parents were thrilled, surprised (Mum) not-surprised (Dad) and excited.

The next day I went in for the appointment while Kevin kept the children. The doctor took one look at the ultrasound and told me there was no heartbeat. It was as though someone had squeezed all the air out of me and a little child's voice came out of my mouth, "There's no heartbeat???" I couldn't believe it. It appeared that the baby had passed away late in the week before. I burst into tears, so desperately wanting that baby I could see on the screen with arms and legs and a head and a tummy to have a beating heart. But the Lord, who had seen fit to let us carry this child for 8 weeks, had now taken His child to be home with Him. It was crushing to bear that weight as I put my clothes on and left the office. I met the children with Kevin right outside the office and we had to explain to them immediately what had happened. It was so, so sad. But I told the children of God's goodness, and His sovereignty in all of life and encouraged them in knowing that one day they would meet that baby in glory. Psalm 57:2 says "I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me." There certainly was crying out, but I did take comfort in knowing that this is part of His purpose for me, for Kevin, for Lydia, for Abigail, for Philip and for Simeon. And it is a good purpose.